Jason November 21, 2008
Jassn and Donna talk about female dominated workplaces. Good thing? Bad thing? Are they setting feminism back a couple of years? Theme music from Al Phlipp & The Woo Team.
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Jason November 14, 2008
Jason and Donna share some tips and thoughts on writing and teaching your child to write.
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Jason November 7, 2008
It’s post election. Jason and Donna talk about our new President-Elect and whether or not voting a black man into the Presidency is the same as putting a man on the moon.
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Tags: black people, election, moon, obama
Jason November 1, 2008
It’s election time! Jason and Donna examine Obama’s recent infomercial, discuss how much you really accomplish as president and talk about where the country went wrong with education.
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Jason October 16, 2008
NICKY SAT ACROSS from me in my office, his left arm in a sling and a small bandage just above his right eye.
“So where’s Nevada and her mother now?”
I propped my feet up on the desk, oddly enough it was the only position in which none of my various aching body parts complained about. “Working through some serious mother-daughter issues. Needless to say, I don’t think Satanism is going to make it another generation,” I stared up at the ceiling, trying to tune out the flapping sound of plastic that was coming from the hole formerly known as Nicky’s room. It was nice to be clean and dressed in clothes that didn’t look like they had been stolen from some homeless man.
“Naturally, of course, there weren’t any remains of Christian found among the ashes of the club,” I said.
“Wow, that almost had a poetic ring to it,” Nicky said.
Jason October 14, 2008
THERE WERE SEVERAL things that were immediately apparent upon bursting through the Well’s front doors. The first was the giant disco ball that hung from the ceiling turning lazily as the multicolored spotlights bounced off of it, lighting the place up like an Andy Warhol nightmare.
The second thing that caught my attention was “Disco Inferno” by the Trammps, which was blasting over the speakers. Before we stop the bad guys, we must destroy the sound system. There can be no other way, it’s our patriotic duty. Disco is evil! I learned from comic books.
The third thing, and really the one I benefited the most from, was Rews, the white man’s worst black butler, standing in the middle of the dance floor on a raised platform. Beside him was Lisa “I’m a woman, but sound like a dude” Ony. And between them was a large shiny stone that is referred to in various circles as the “Bloden Stone.” They were also decked out in red and black robes and just generally looking as evil as one could really get. Guess they found that last piece, then.
Grumbling, Angie fished out a twenty and gave it to me. It felt so good to be so right.
The fourth thing, and by far the most disturbing, was Christian off to the side dressed again in a perfectly tailored black suit with a red tie. Oooh, how I hated him, him with his dashing good looks and inexplicable good taste in fashion and his incredible ability to get dressed and cleaned in such short amounts of time. Why can’t he be like all the other crazy people and just run out in a potato sack or, better yet, a straightjacket?
The fifth thing, well, that should be more like things. Things that really put a wrench in our “shoot everything that moves” plan were all the blackheads that carried heavy and sometimes automatic weapons. You know, they weren’t this well armed before. Can’t we have some consistency?
And, of course, because we had to just burst in here like Arnold Schwarzenegger on speed, everybody, and I mean everybody stopped what they were doing to look at us.
Guess the stealth option was out then.
Jason October 12, 2008
“SO MANY JOKES,” I muttered. “So many.”
Angie tossed me the shotgun. “Please, restrain yourself.”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes.”
I shoved the Colt into my waistband. “How far away is Sebastian?”
“Too far,” Angie pulled out two more automatics from her bag. “He said he had to close tonight.”
“So, let me get this straight then, we’re going to stop a hate demon from being brought to earth to bring about the end of the world all by our lonesomes, with one shotgun and four automatic pistols.”
“Five automatic pistols,” she corrected me, slipping a fresh magazine into her Berretta.
“You do remember that at least one of these guys isn’t very killable, right?”
Jason October 9, 2008
MY EYES FLUTTERED open. My ears were ringing. And the only thing I could see was a stuffed cow hanging in my face with some ridiculous grin on its face.
My first thought was that I was dead and in some kind of grinning cow Hell. But as the ringing in my ears died down, I heard three things that really didn’t support the theory: 1) a lot of frantic screaming, 2) a lot of loud voices that were seemingly attempting to restore an order of some kind, and 3) somebody moaning. That somebody turned out to be me.
I slowly got up, pushing the remains of a door from room 666 off of me. I was not amused. Various body parts screamed at me for moving, I think some of them even threatened to retaliate by banding together and causing more pain. But nothing seemed to be broken. I attempted to straighten out my jacket, but when I pulled on the sleeves they fell off and fluttered to the ground amongst the rest of the wreckage. And so another fine leather jacket bites the dust. Now I’m really pissed off.
I took it all in.
Christian’s rocket had collapsed a bunch of floors into one another, obviously going at least as high as the sixth floor. There was fire, smoke, screaming, in short, it wasn’t all that different from a Marilyn Manson concert I went to once.
Jason October 7, 2008
“WE’VE GOT TO stop meeting like this, Alex,” Christian said, waving his Desert Eagle around. He was decked out in a sharp-looking, all-black suit. Why is it that crazy people are always the best dressers? I mean, really now, is that fair?
“I couldn’t agree more,” I said, raising my guns at Christian. If I was careful enough, maybe I could talk myself out of this and avoid the unnecessary pointless violence. And maybe frogs will grow wings and stop hopping around on their butts. “In fact, perhaps it would be better if we just stopped running into each other period? Maybe you could just leave and find your own city to protect or terrorize, depending on what time of the month it is. Or even better, maybe you could just die and stay dead.”
Christian raised his Desert Eagle and leveled directly on my forehead, a convenient little laser sight marking the spot.
“Give me the girl, Alex.”
“Can’t do that, Devon.”
“Sure you can. Just try it, you’ll find it to be a remarkably easy task.”
I didn’t move. I was feeling a little stupid. How was I supposed to stop him? By showing him how many bullets can be shot from a Smith and Wesson in under thirty seconds? Oh yeah, that’ll work. Maybe afterward I can bore him to death with how I clip my toenails.
“You know, Alex, I didn’t want to bring this up, but the voices still want you dead,” Christian said.
“Oh, for the love of-! Can we just have one conversation that doesn’t involve those stupid voices?!” I snapped.
“Voices?” Nevada repeated.
“Yeah, Christian is the crazy ex-partner Alex mentioned earlier,” Nicky offered.
“I’m not crazy!” Christian screamed and started shooting.
