THERE WERE SEVERAL things that were immediately apparent upon bursting through the Well’s front doors. The first was the giant disco ball that hung from the ceiling turning lazily as the multicolored spotlights bounced off of it, lighting the place up like an Andy Warhol nightmare.
The second thing that caught my attention was “Disco Inferno” by the Trammps, which was blasting over the speakers. Before we stop the bad guys, we must destroy the sound system. There can be no other way, it’s our patriotic duty. Disco is evil! I learned from comic books.
The third thing, and really the one I benefited the most from, was Rews, the white man’s worst black butler, standing in the middle of the dance floor on a raised platform. Beside him was Lisa “I’m a woman, but sound like a dude” Ony. And between them was a large shiny stone that is referred to in various circles as the “Bloden Stone.” They were also decked out in red and black robes and just generally looking as evil as one could really get. Guess they found that last piece, then.
Grumbling, Angie fished out a twenty and gave it to me. It felt so good to be so right.
The fourth thing, and by far the most disturbing, was Christian off to the side dressed again in a perfectly tailored black suit with a red tie. Oooh, how I hated him, him with his dashing good looks and inexplicable good taste in fashion and his incredible ability to get dressed and cleaned in such short amounts of time. Why can’t he be like all the other crazy people and just run out in a potato sack or, better yet, a straightjacket?
The fifth thing, well, that should be more like things. Things that really put a wrench in our “shoot everything that moves” plan were all the blackheads that carried heavy and sometimes automatic weapons. You know, they weren’t this well armed before. Can’t we have some consistency?
And, of course, because we had to just burst in here like Arnold Schwarzenegger on speed, everybody, and I mean everybody stopped what they were doing to look at us.
Guess the stealth option was out then.
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