Dear Santa,
I think I’ve been a pretty good boy this year (discounting wishing unending diaherra on certain individuals. I mean, that hardly counts, right?). So I’ve decided to take a more proactive approach for my wish list this holiday season.
Look, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the new underwear (although it’s a little weird getting underwear from a complete stranger) or pencils, erasers and notepads. All very useful things. But, see, I’ve been thinking: Shouldn’t gifts be something I want, not something I need? Brand new socks with no holes in them are great, but not as awesome as a Green Lantern limited edition hoodie, you know what I’m saying?
And, I know, you’re Santa Claus. You’ve been doing this for centuries. Who am I to tell you how to do your job. And you know what? You’re absolutely right. I don’t want anyone to come into my home and tell me how to grill my cheese.
So, don’t take this necessarily as a strict guideline for this year’s set gifts. Think of it more as a set of suggestions. A little something to set you on the right path.
The Death of Captain America Omnibus by Ed Brubaker.
I got volume 1 of this a few years ago and I’ve been waiting patiently for volume 2 to come out. It’s here now. So, maybe instead of The Writer’s Daily Devotional you could get me this instead? If you order it from Amazon you get it at 37% off….
The Apple Tablet
Boy, oh, boy. I really want this one. I know that technically it doesn’t exist yet, but come on, you’re Santa Claus, a little thing like that shouldn’t stop you.
Sneak Peeks
Iron Man 2, Tron 2. Maybe you could hop forward in time and get me some advance copies? I just know these movies are going to be awesome and I would really like to be able to lord it over all my friends that I have them already.
2010 Chevy Camero
I know I already have a car, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like a new car. And even you’ve got to admit, this is a pretty sweet car. Just imagine delivering all those presents in this baby. You could even get a custom red and green paint job.
A Green Lantern Ring
And not just a ring, but, like, a real Green Lantern ring. Complete with powers and everything.
A Couple Hundred Dollars Worth of Gift Certificates to Aeropostale
I know what I just said about clothes, but this is completely different. I’ve become, like, totally hooked on these clothes (they’re shirts are so soft). But, just get me the gift certificates, I’d rather you not pick out my clothes.
Alright, so those are a few suggestions. I don’t think any of them are too unreasonable. Hopefully this’ll give you a better idea as to what to bring me this year.
Thanks!
-Jason Krumbine
PS: Don’t expect your milk and cookies until after I receive my gifts. I mean, you don’t pay the mechanic before he fixes your car, do you?
