A few years back my brother Jordan was trying out Explorers of the Unknown webcomic v1.o or 2.0, I can’t remember which. It was being done much like Rupert & Me. A 4-panel action/adventure/comedy/sci-fi comic strip. At the time I offered to write six scripts, I think he was on a Mon, Wed, Fri release schedule. Once I got into it, though, those six scripts ended up turning into ten. I had a lot of ideas. Anyway, my scripts remained unused and the comic fell apart few months later. Jordan wasn’t fond of the tongue-in-cheek approach I had taken and thought the scripts were too wordy. After making my own comic, I agree, they are definitly too wordy. But I still get a chuckle out of them, I always though the EOTU were best suited for wacky comedic adventures. Leave the serious stuff to the other guys, you know what I mean?
You know, if I could find an artist better than me I could get these produced. Any takers?
These are just the first three scripts. Perhaps, if you’re nice, I’ll show you the other seven some time…
At the beginning of each strip there should be three headshots with the following:
Jordan: The Brainy Guy
Jason: The Muscly Guy
Chris: The Stretchy Guy
#1
“The Toilet Bowel Adventure”
Four square panels, laid out next to one another. Very ordinary layout, should feel like something in the comics section of the newspaper.
Panel 1
Scene: Jordan and Jason are sitting at a table doing nothing and looking very bored.
Panel 2
Scene: Same as Panel 1.
Panel 3
Scene: Chris walks across the panel, behind J&J dressed up in some ridiculous outfit. It should look like something a five year old would have cobbled together. Maybe a plunger in his hand or on his head.
Chris: BEHOLD, I’M OFF TO BATTLE THE VILLAINOUS SCUM OF THE TOILET BOWEL! IF I’M NOT BACK IN FIFTEEN MINUTES, SEND HELP! QUICKLY OR I MAY SUCCUMB TO THE FUMES OF LIME-AWAY!
Panel 4
Scene: Just J&J again, still looking very bored. Chris has moved on off panel.
Jason: WE REALLY NEED A CASE.
Jordan: YUP.
NEXT: DUKE WATERWALKER, ACTION FOR HIRE!
#2
Duke Waterwalker Promo
All four panels should be laid out horizontally, next to one another.
Panel 1
Scene: A trio of images on matching the following captions. It’s going to be a TV screen, but the reader doesn’t know that yet.
TV: DO YOU FIND YOURSELF UNDER SEIGE BY COVERT FORCES FROM FORIGEN GOVERNMENTS?
TV: OR PERHAPS HUNTED AT EVERY CORNER BY YOUR OWN GOVERNMENT?
TV: OR MAYBE YOU’RE THE TARGET OF A PSYCHOTIC MADMAN WITH A PENCHANT FOR BLOWING THINGS UP?
Panel 2
Scene: Pull back the “camera” a bit. We realize we’re watching TV. On the screen Duke Waterwalker strikes a pose. Should have square jaw, broad chest, maybe a little stubble on his face. And a really nice leather jacket.
TV: THEN MAYBE YOU NEED DUKE WATERWALKER, ACTION HERO FOR HIRE!
TV: HE’S THE HERO YOU DON’T WANT TO BE!
Panel 3
Scene: Camera pulls back even further and we see the Explorers sitting around watching the Duke Waterwalker commercial. They are in awe.
TV: MENTION THIS AD AND GET A TEN PERCENT OFF YOUR FIRST JOB!
Panel 4
Scene: The camera’s now facing the Explorers.
Chris: WOW. WE NEED TO GET ONE OF THOSE.
Jason: WHAT? AN ACTION FOR HIRE?
Chris: NO. MATCHING LEATHER JACKETS. SEE, IT’S EVEN GOT HIS LOGO ON THE BACK.
Jordan: *SIGH*
NEXT: CROSSOVER!!!!
#3
“Duke Waterwalker and the Explorers of the Unknown in ‘Caring to DIE!’ Pt. 2”
All four panels should be laid out horizontally, next to one another And try to make them longer, instead of wider.
Panel 1
An all text panel.
PREVIOUSLY IN DUKE WATERWALKER, ACTION HERO FOR HIRE ISSUE #42*: OUR HEROES, THE EXPLORERS OF THE UNKNOWN, RAN INTO DUKE DURING A ROUTINE INVESTIGATION INTO A CASE OF RANDOMLY MUTATED CARING BEAR DOLLS. AFTER THE REQUIRED FIGHT BETWEEN DUKE AND OUR INTREPID ADVENTURERS(AS LISTED IN THE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO CROSSOVERS AND TEAM-UPS ) THEY TEAMED UP AND IMMEDIATELY FOUND THEMSELVES UNDER SIEGE BY OOKIE-BO, THE LEAD MUTATING CARING BEAR DOLL, WHO’S PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION WERE VAST AND INVOLVED MUSHROOMS..
*YES, WE KNOW, THE DUKE WATERWALKER STRIP DOESN’T ACTUALLY EXIST. BUT THEN, NEITHER DO ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS. IT MADE SENSE AT THE TIME.
Panel 2
Scene: Ookie-Bo the cutest Caring Bear ever(These look suspiciously like Care Bears) only he’s about fifteen feet tall and scary looking as hell. He’s delivering his evil guy monologue. Duke and the Explorers should in panel before him
Ookie-Bo: YOU PUNY HUMANS! I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL AND THEN EAT YOU!! AND THEN SPREAD YOUR REMAINS ACROSS MY FIELDS AS FERTILIZER! AND MY MUSHROOMS WILL BLOSSOM IN YOUR WASTE!
Panel 3
Scene: Duke looks all shocked and such, but the Explorers appear rather blasé about the whole thing.
Duke: GREAT LINCOLN’S TOPHAT!
Panel 4
Scene: Close in Jordan doing his “I’m too smart to be scared” routine. Ookie-Bo should be peeking in from the edge of Panel looking a little confused and bewildered.
Jordan: EXCUSE ME, I DON’T MEAN TO BE RUDE, WHAT WITH YOU BEING THE BIG SCARY BEAR AND ALL, BUT THREATS OF BEING TURNED INTO FERTILIZER FOR YOUR MUSHROOM FIELDS ARE HARDLY BOOT-SHAKING.
Ookie-Bo: REALLY? WHAT IF THEY WERE REALLY NASTY MUSHROOMS?
Jordan: SORRY. NOT DOING ANYTHING FOR ME.
Ookie-Bo: OH WELL, DO MIND IF I TAKE A MOMENT? THIS HAS KIND OF THROWN ME OFF.
Jordan: GO RIGHT AHEAD. THE WRITER’S PARTICULARLY WORDY AND USED UP A WHOLE PANEL ON RECAP. WE’VE GOT A COUPLE OF DAYS BEFORE THE NEXT INSTALLMENT.
NEXT: CROSSOVER MADNESS CONCLUDES IN DUKE WATERWALKER # 43!!*
*OKAY, BUT NOT REALLY. BUT WE’LL JUST PRETEND THAT IT DID AND GET IT ON WITH THE NEXT STORY. BECAUSE, REALLY, MUTATED KILLER CARING BEARS? WHAT WOULD WE HAVE TO BE SMOKING TO COME UP WITH THAT?
