One Stray Word

Here it is, folks. My top 10 choices for Halloween costumes this year!

10. Put on a fake chin and tell lame jokes all night and go as Leno (of course, this probably qualifies as a lame joke. Awkward).

9. Go as a tear shed for all the starving orphans in the world.

8. Go as a baby seal clubber. Bring a stuffed seal and periodically club it throughout the night to complete the costume.

7. Spend the night giving incorrect explanations and definitions for things. Be blatantly wrong in everything you say. You’re Wikipedia!

6. Go as yourself. When people comment that you didn’t dress in costume say you can say that you’re just an American Resident, not a Citizen and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Then stick your tongue out at them. Extra points if you do this with a Russian accent.

5. Go as Jesus but hang outside the party. If anyone asks what you’re doing just say you’re waiting for everyone to invite you in.

4. Dress up as a bird and randomly announce your actions and/or things going on in your life. You’re Twitter.

3. Dress up as a pig with a runny nose. Pretend to cough on people all night. You’re the Swine Flu!

2. Dress up as Rupert. Like I wasn’t going to suggest this one. You get to carry around a sword and/or large gun and be mean to people all night. Plus, free promotion for my website.

1. Dress up as Obama and then nothing for the entire night. BOOM!

Thank you very much, folks! I’ll be here all week!

And a very special thanks to my wife who helped with this list. All the funny ones were her ideas.