One Stray Word

So, my dad died recently and that got me thinking about death. Specifically, how we deal with it.

There’s no real guidelines for dealing with death, though. I mean, everyone’s different so therefore everyone’s going to deal with it differently, right?

I spent five years as a 911 dispatcher. I had all sorts of 911 calls, from the suicidal to infant drowning in the pool. I’ve become a bit desensitized, you might say, to tragedy. Actually, even before I worked in 911 I had a certain sense of black humor that not many people appreciated. Because of this I always wondered how I would deal with the death of a loved one. Unfortunately, the death of my father gave me the opportunity to find out.

Turns out I’m not quite the heartless bastard I thought I was. Okay, so maybe I’m being a little hard on myself. True, when I heard my dad was dead the first thing I did was make a joke. I didn’t do this out loud, mind you, but in my mind. In fact, I came up with several jokes. But later on, after I had had a few hours to process it and I had returned to the privacy of my home, I cried. So, like I said, not quite as heartless as I thought I might be.

I haven’t cried in front of anyone, save my wife, since my father died. I’m sure this has bothered some people and even put across the perception that I am, indeed, a coldhearted bastard who cares for nothing but his own personal gain. I don’t like crying in front of people, it’s as simple as that. To me, crying is a very a personal thing and frankly, I don’t want share anything that personal with anyone outside of my wife.

Like I said, my father died and I looked for the funny. I couldn’t help it. In fact, I wrote a series of Rupert & Me strips based around my father’s death and funeral.

This is how I deal with death. This is not how anyone else deals with death. This is not how my wife deals with death.

The day after my father died, actually, the day of my father’s death, I continued about my regular responsibilities and tasks. I worked on the comic and the website, I dealt with the leak in our bathroom, I contacted the realtor about how the selling of our home went, I lived my life as I normally would have. My dad was dead but I didn’t see any reason to stop and moan about it. I’m a born again Christian and so was my father. When he died I knew exactly where he went: Heaven. And just like that, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Oh sure, there’s still the sadness, but it’s heavily tempered by the knowledge that I will see my father again. Hopefully it won’t be for a long time, though, I’m in no rush to die myself. I saw no point in the days after his death and, even now, to sit around and bemoan the fact that my father’s dead. Yes, he’s dead. He’s in Heaven with God living a much better life. Boom. End of story. Time for me to get back to my own life, and my own responsibilities. Sitting around dwelling on the sadness isn’t going to change anything.

This is how I deal with death. You may deal with it differently. Maybe you need to take the time and pause and perhaps reflect on those who have passed. I respect that. Because you know what? There’s really no right way or wrong way to deal with death.